Ah, road trips.
Expectation: In your mind you think “this is going to be great”, put the top down of the convertible, pop on some tunes and let the breeze instagrammably blow your hair in the wind. WRONNNNGGGG
Reality is: you planned this trip way too last minute and flights are way too expensive, or your destination is just close enough to drive to but not far enough to fly to…. or if we want to be super annoying…you and your S/O are being cute and driving across the country hitting up all the famous Diner’s and Drives restaurants. ::insert eye roll emoji:: aka I’m Jealous. HA, Don’t get me wrong, I do love a road trip when you’re not in a rush, the scenery is pretty and you aren’t alone, then you can at least play car games and talk along the way!
In the last two months I have done two smaller road trips (SF –> LA and Houston –> Dallas) and since you have all the time in the world to ponder about life, I took notice to some of the most annoying parts of road trips that I thought I would share with you:
- TRUCKS. They slow us down, swerve and why the HECK do they feel the need to pass each other? Is this some sick game truck drivers play with each other? All you’re doing is cutting the rest of us off and slowing down all the people actual using the fast lane to…well, GO FAST! Stay in your lane, k thanks.
- Gas prices are RIDIC. I get it, we’re out in the middle of nofuck no where and we are desperate for fuel…but come on…rude, just rude.
- When your radio station changes to another language. And no my car doesn’t have satellite or anything fancy so it’s just me and my radio. Go ahead, judge me.
- The amount of bugs smashed on your car. Car wash anyone?
- When your butt sticks to the leather seats and falls asleep. Stretching your legs is crucial and I should probably start wearing leggings or sitting on a towel for comfort sake.
- The amount of crap you end up eating. What is it about being in a car that makes you want McDonald’s breakfast and sour candy…and have no shame sitting and eating it in your car?
- Cell service goes in and out. Don’t you dare fuck with me. Don’t you do it.
- The one time you have allllll the time in the world to call your mom, dad, aunt, cousins and friends you barely ever talk to, no one picks up the phone. WHYYYYY.
- Other drivers. Just when you put your cruise control on and are in the fast lane at a comfortable 85mph, you look in your rearview mirror and see someone about to run you down. Just chillllll, I’ll move over just give me a second. Sheesh.
- Worst part of road trips? Knowing you have to drive back home.
Moral of the story for me is I need to listen to more podcasts, get a new auxiliary cord and pack a cooler with snacks for my next road trip. Also, I’m officially calling these posts Real Talk Rants, so welcome to the first official one!